Daddy Come Home


Daddy Come Home
I call my son every night to tell him Good Night. He’s six years old and so smart. We say a prayer together, and he thanks God that I am coming home soon. He writes me notes and tells me about his day, and I miss him so much. He thinks I am working out of town, which is half of the truth, but what I can’t tell him that if I come home, I will go to jail for sixty days. No bail, no bond, no arraignment, just sixty days in jail, in which time my family would probably lose the roof over their heads. How do you explain that to a six year old? I am not a criminal, but I have been treated worse than one. I owe my ex-wife child support, and for the past three years I have been put through hell that I truthfully have no way to rectify, no matter how hard I try. My name is Scott Lancaster, and I am 44 years old. I want to tell my story. I want to tell my story for two reasons…..one being that I am willing to do anything, as long as it is legal, to be able to go home to my family, and the other being that I am tired and angry and want to put a face out there for that group of fathers who try and try, but cannot catch a break. The story is embarrassing, and sharing it with the world is not easy, but it is for the most important cause in my life. My story covers four years, and I am only discussing facts and my personal opinions. I am doing my best not to drag it out, and keep it succinct, so please, keep reading. I will not use any names, aside from my own, to protect my family’s privacy. I will refer to my ex-wife, as simply the Ex. I’m not very concerned about her privacy, but I do always try to do the next right thing. I was married to the Ex for fifteen years, and we had three amazing children together. I was not a good husband, and I have no problem admitting that. For many years, I took full blame for our divorce, and kept it to myself that one of the reasons we divorced was because I found out that my first born son was not actually mine. She knew the whole time we were married and failed to mention that small fact. I love my son, and biology be damned, he is mine and always will be, but her keeping a secret that big made me question everything else, and our marriage ended. We have joint custody of the children, with her being the primary residential parent for the kids. I know now, that Joint Custody means nothing, because I have had no say in my children’s, lives in four years. After we divorced, I began dating my current wife. We married almost four year ago. She is my soul mate, not meant in the sickening mushy way, but in the “I found my best friend, who is also beautiful and smart” way. She has shown me what being a good husband is all about, and what a strong relationship means. From my marriage, I gained a stepson, who is as much mine, as any biological child could be, and we also had our “surprise” baby. He is our little man, and I truly believe that he brought our blended family together in a perfect way. My Ex also remarried some years ago. She married a successful man, and initially I was very happy for her. She found a relationship she was happy in, and a man that could keep her in the lifestyle that she always wanted. It did not bother me that she married well, because ultimately my children would also benefit and would never need for anything. Four years ago, I took a big step and started my own business, which, looking back now was not very well thought out and should have been handled differently. I have worked in video production on and off for twenty years, and the only thing I did believe in was my talent, and still do today. The business started off slow, but was picking up some steam and I was beginning to make great contacts and gaining good accounts. Up to this point, my Ex and I were able to work out any issues, when I started my business and was late with some child support payments, it was not a big issue between her and I. That was ultimately the biggest mistake I ever made, times two….. being late on payments and trusting that the mother of my children would be patient with me and understand, were the biggest mistake I ever made. I look back now, and it’s one of those times in my life where I wish I could turn back and change it all. A year later, the BP oil spill happened in the Gulf, and the success I was starting to have with my business was wiped out within two months. Most of my video work and accounts were related to hotels and hospitality businesses, and advertising budgets were cut when tourism stopped in Florida. At this point, my Ex had already filed the child support case with the Child Support Enforcement office. We had two hearings in front of a hearing officer, and I felt that he understood my financial situation, but my driver’s license was suspended as soon as the State of Florida took over the case. Not being able to drive was definitely a hindrance to job hunting and attempting to fix my financial situation. I was unemployed, our savings account was depleted, and for almost a year, my family lived off my wife’s income. My wife has a Master’s Degree in her field, and is amazing at what she does and loves it. She works in the social work field, and it is not the highest paying field, although very fulfilling to her. We lived off her income only, but having no income of my own still does not change anything regarding child support. The payments have to be made, and it does not seem to matter whether employment is an issue or not. At this time, my Ex completely cut off all contact with me, and hired a private attorney and filed our case in civil court in the county that she resides. I made many attempts to beg and plead with her, but all contact was ignored. I recently received a letter from her stating that she is doing all of this because during an argument four or five years ago I told her to “do what she’s got to do,” and for me to stop trying to communicate with her. Nothing was mentioned about the well being of the children being the motivation for her action. I will say that whoever said that there is nothing worse than a woman scorned was right indeed. I was asked to contact him for any communication about the children, but to this day, I have never received a call back from him. I’m assuming she felt that the Child Support Enforcement office was not punishing me enough. My ten year old daughter began arranging her own visitation with me and reporting the events in her life because the Ex completely refused to have any contact with me. I also began realizing that fathers, at least in Florida, do not have many rights, hardly any at all, especially if they owe money. I do understand that women shoulder much of the responsibility of every day care of their children, and the men who run off and disappear, instead of taking care of their children, deserve no rights. Good fathers, who are down on their luck deserve a break. They deserve some laws that protect them, and definitely deserve the right and counsel to defend themselves, whether they can afford it or not. Needless to say, I became more and more behind on child support, because my family was barely keeping the lights on. She began taking me to Court, as a civil case, for contempt of court during the time when I was not able to find work. I was overqualified for fast food job, did not have enough experience in other fields, and not having college education did not help at all. I have an extreme amount of faith in “On the Job Training,” but I do understand that it does not look good on paper. I taught myself everything I know about video production, and am very proud of it. Again, still does not look good on paper. My options were so limited, and I began feeling helpless and frustrated with the economy. The first time I went to a contempt of court hearing, I realized that my life was about to change for the worse. After the second hearing, I knew I was in hell. I was, of course, found guilty of contempt, no matter what evidence I presented about my financial situation. I was even told by the Judge that “it’s not his fault that I chose to have another kid and get married again.” I was blown away by his insulting comments about my life, wife and child, while the Ex is sitting across from me with her smug, new husband, smirking at me. It probably should have opened my eyes about what I was about to be put through. In my case, after being found guilty of contempt, I was ordered to pay purge amounts of money by a certain time. If that amount was not paid, a Writ of Attachment would be issued, which is equal to a criminal warrant, except since it is child support related, the amount of the purge has to be paid before one is released from jail. No bail, no bond, no arraignment, no legal counsel, just sitting in jail until someone pays the purge or sixty days is served. I was able to borrow some money from family and lucky to pick up a couple of video jobs to pay the first two purge amounts. Keep in mind, that during the time that I was doing everything I could to put together the purge amounts of money, back child support was still adding up. In Florida, interest rates on back child support are astronomical, and the amount grows at a rate that is staggering. Every time I would pay a purge amount, I barely had time to sneeze, before I was being served with another notice to appear in Court for Contempt for not continuing to make regular payments and payments toward the rear amount. I want to mention that during all this time, I never missed visitation with my children. My oldest became an adult, came to live with me for a while, and joined the Air Force. My oldest daughter graduated high school and continued to live with her mother for a year while attending a local college, because she was threatened with losing her vehicle, if she moved out. My youngest daughter was with me every other weekend, during spring break, in the summers and any other times that I was able to have her. I had to provide all transportation for visitation, and given that I live in another county, thirty miles away, the gas expense was not easy on us. There is a difference between Deadbeat Dads, the ones who run a way from any and all obligations, and men like me, who have always tried everything they can and never stopped being there for his children. I was never in a position to hire an attorney, because it was financially impossible to retain one. I am on my own, completely ignorant of any rights that I may have, but at this point I doubt that I have any. It has always blown my mind that high profile alleged murderers have free representation, and nothing is available to me because I cannot pay. My two oldest children moved out of the Ex’s home, but they are included in child support payments, and have to this time received minimal amounts of the back child support purges that I have paid. Two years ago, I also became aware of the fact that my Ex’s sister in law, her husband’s sister, is the Chief Deputy Clerk of Courts in the county that my case has been heard over the past four years. It is my sincerest opinion that the nepotism situation in this case is unethical and that I will never receive a fair hearing in this county. Never. Again, I have no means to hire an attorney to change the venue of my case, and the few motions that I have filed myself have done nothing. I have fewer rights than a common criminal. If a person commits a crime, he or she has the right to a public defender free of charge. I don’t. I applied for legal aid assistance, and any other possible assistance out there, but our income is always too high to qualify for anything, but too little to keep us going. I am also beginning to wonder whether that is the lower middle class curse. Our credit is not good, and any type loans we tried for were not approved. In August of 2010, I was going through the third contempt of Court situation, and did not have the money to pay the purge. I left town to work any and all jobs offered to me to make the money as quickly as possible. I had to avoid being arrested, because sitting in jail for sixty days, not being able to work at all, would completely sink my family financially. I did come back to town for a weekend to be at my son’s fifth birthday party. With a house full of friends, family and kids, I was arrested. The deputy that picked me up told me they were notified that I would be home that day for sure, being that it was my son’s birthday. My daughters were terrified and one of them cried curled up on the couch, and my wife was devastated. Luckily my son had no idea what was going on, and was able to finish his party. My family and friends made sure that he was kept away from the drama going on outside. I could not fathom what kind of person could arrange to have me arrested in front of their own children, not to mention an innocent five year old little boy. I spent that weekend in jail, and my parents borrowed $5000 from their retirement to post my purge amount. I have to this day not paid them back completely, and I hate not being in the position to do so. My family was completely drained financially, and I did everything I could to help pay bills, and pay my family back for months. In early 2011, I was served with another notice to appear in Court for contempt. I will admit that I did not even show up at that hearing. I just did not have it in me to be beaten down again. Another $5000 purge amount was set, and again I left town to be able to keep working. This time I was gone for over a month, and was lucky enough to have a friend who had a video project I could work on and make the money to pay the purge. All other bills went unpaid, and my family and I lost our home in the summer of 2011. We lived with a friend for three months, while putting together money to rent another home, and start our life over. We sold everything we had to pay overdue bills and maybe be able to start fresh. During this time, I made payments toward my child support. It was not ever the whole amount that was due, but any spare money I had every month, went toward child support. I hoped that my effort at paying all that I could might make a difference. The day I was moving to our new home, I was served with papers for Contempt of Court. I found out later that the Ex had her attorney follow me to find out where I was living, so I could be served. I went to this hearing feeling hopeful that my partial payments would at least show that I have tried to fix the situation. The motion filed by her attorney stated that I made no attempt at payment, and I had proof that I did. I was blown away when my attempts to pay child support were completely ignored by the Judge, and I was again found in Contempt of Court. I was given sixty days to pay another $7000. This time, I am also responsible for her attorney’s fees. What a joke!!! This is the point I am at now. Away from home, working a sales job, one that I love, but cannot make the money I need to pay this amount. I am no closer to $7000 than I was when I left home two months ago, and I lie in bed at night wondering how I am ever going to make it home to my family. I feel lucky in so many ways. I have an amazing wife, the greatest children in the world, and today they do have a roof over their heads. But I feel, at this point, that I may not see an end to this nightmare, and enjoy my family, until my daughter moves out of my Ex’s house. That is still five years away, and I don’t know that I can keep my sanity for another month, much less five years. I have considered just going to jail for my sixty days, but without the income from my job now, my family would not survive. Plus, going to jail does not give me any credit, and just adds two more months of back child support to my bill. I don’t understand the system, and how a person can make a change and make things better sitting in jail. I understand the concept of punishment for a crime, but what am I being punished for? For being penniless? For not having options? For being unemployed for a year? We do not live above our means, never have. We rent a three bedroom home, have two vehicles, and pay utilities. We have no credit cards, no luxuries, unless internet and Netflix is a luxury, but I would not take that away from my wife, who is a complete movie buff. My wife does her own hair and nails, and beautifully so, if I may add, and the few times a year she goes shopping, it is mostly for the kids to make up for the things they need and have grown out of. We have not had a family vacation in five years, and would love to take one before my stepson graduates. My seventeen year old stepson is the man of the house, a role that he should not have to take on and shoulder at this time in his life. I feel helpless, frustrated, angry, and not a day goes by that I don’t hurt physically because of our situation. I feel like my family is being held hostage, hostage of a person with the sole goal of seeing me in jail, hostage of an unjust system, and hostage of circumstances. Our whole married life has been spent dealing with this situation, and how my wife does it every day I do not know. All I want is to take her away for a romantic weekend, and make the last three years up to her, if possible. Since January 16, 2012, I have missed chorus performances, church plays, first grade Honors assemblies, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day, and I just want to go home. My family is my life, and I am at the end of my rope, and filled with guilt because they are dealing with the consequences right along with me, and they are completely innocent parties. In the past three years, I have paid the Ex over $15,000. My adult children have seen little or none of that money, and I understand that I have no say in how child support money is spent, but my feelings are that her new Mustang and home gym were financed by me. I’m not a materialistic person, and I don’t care how much I have in my account, as long as my family is okay and the bills are paid. All I want is to be home, work hard, spend time with my family and not have to look over my shoulder to see if I’m being followed. I don’t want to have to be terrified of being pulled over anymore. I don’t want to be sick to my stomach when the door bell rings. I don’t want my children to be exposed to their father being arrested ever again. My dream scenario is to have just one year of my life that does not include Court hearings, purges and legal notices being served. I want just one year of being able to pay regular child support payments, with a portion added to go toward the rear amount. Twelve months of reprieve would change everything and make it all right. I have it arranged with my employer to take child support payments out of my paycheck and send the money directly to the Court handling my case. This arrangement, unfortunately cannot begin until the current purge is paid. I am reaching out to complete strangers for help. You. Please make a donation to help me go home!!! I am past any pride issues or humiliation, and have admitted full and complete defeat. I need help, and I am asking for it right now. Ultimately, one day soon, I will be an advocate for father’s rights, and will start an organization that will help men in these situations. If people help me today, I will pay it forward to others. I would like to be able to give someone money to retain an attorney, or pay a purge amount to keep him out of jail. Thank You for reading my story, and considering helping me. My case is a matter of public record, and can be viewed for verification the Walton County Clerk of Courts, Florida website. Case number: 07-0000581-DR Feel free to email me any questions or comments at the email address below. Legal advice will be greatly appreciated too. I understand my story may raise many emotions from many people, and I understand that there are many people out there who may have much to say. I will gladly read and respect any good or bad comments, but any verbal attacks of myself, my wife or my children will be ignored. There is nothing one can say that I haven’t already said to myself, so understand if you do not receive a response. Sincerely, Vincent Scott Lancaster scenicscott@hotmail.com

I call my son every night to tell him Good Night. He’s six years old and so smart. We say a prayer together, and he thanks God that I am coming home soon. He writes me notes and tells me about his day, and I miss him so much. He thinks I am working out of town, which is half of the truth, but what I can’t tell him that if I come home, I will go to jail for sixty days. No bail, no bond, no arraignment, just sixty days in jail, in which time my family would probably lose the roof over their heads. How do you explain that to a six year old?

I am not a criminal, but I have been treated worse than one. I owe my ex-wife child support, and for the past three years I have been put through hell that I truthfully have no way to rectify, no matter how hard I try.

Family My name is Scott Lancaster, and I am 44 years old. I want to tell my story. I want to tell my story for two reasons…..one being that I am willing to do anything, as long as it is legal, to be able to go home to my family, and the other being that I am tired and angry and want to put a face out there for that group of fathers who try and try, but cannot catch a break. The story is embarrassing, and sharing it with the world is not easy, but it is for the most important cause in my life.

My story covers four years, and I am only discussing facts and my personal opinions. I am doing my best not to drag it out, and keep it succinct, so please, keep reading. I will not use any names, aside from my own, to protect my family’s privacy. I will refer to my ex-wife, as simply the Ex. I’m not very concerned about her privacy, but I do always try to do the next right thing.

I was married to the Ex for fifteen years, and we had three amazing children together. I was not a good husband, and I have no problem admitting that. For many years, I took full blame for our divorce, and kept it to myself that one of the reasons we divorced was because I found out that my first born son was not actually mine. She knew the whole time we were married and failed to mention that small fact. I love my son, and biology be damned, he is mine and always will be, but her keeping a secret that big made me question everything else, and our marriage ended. We have joint custody of the children, with her being the primary residential parent for the kids. I know now, that Joint Custody means nothing, because I have had no say in my children’s, lives in four years.

After we divorced, I began dating my current wife. We married almost four year ago. She is my soul mate, not meant in the sickening mushy way, but in the “I found my best friend, who is also beautiful and smart” way. She has shown me what being a good husband is all about, and what a strong relationship means. From my marriage, I gained a stepson, who is as much mine, as any biological child could be, and we also had our “surprise” baby. He is our little man, and I truly believe that he brought our blended family together in a perfect way.

My Ex also remarried some years ago. She married a successful man, and initially I was very happy for her. She found a relationship she was happy in, and a man that could keep her in the lifestyle that she always wanted. It did not bother me that she married well, because ultimately my children would also benefit and would never need for anything.

Four years ago, I took a big step and started my own business, which, looking back now was not very well thought out and should have been handled differently. I have worked in video production on and off for twenty years, and the only thing I did believe in was my talent, and still do today. The business started off slow, but was picking up some steam and I was beginning to make great contacts and gaining good accounts.

Up to this point, my Ex and I were able to work out any issues, when I started my business and was late with some child support payments, it was not a big issue between her and I. That was ultimately the biggest mistake I ever made, times two….. being late on payments and trusting that the mother of my children would be patient with me and understand, were the biggest mistake I ever made. I look back now, and it’s one of those times in my life where I wish I could turn back and change it all.

A year later, the BP oil spill happened in the Gulf, and the success I was starting to have with my business was wiped out within two months. Most of my video work and accounts were related to hotels and hospitality businesses, and advertising budgets were cut when tourism stopped in Florida. At this point, my Ex had already filed the child support case with the Child Support Enforcement office. We had two hearings in front of a hearing officer, and I felt that he understood my financial situation, but my driver’s license was suspended as soon as the State of Florida took over the case. Not being able to drive was definitely a hindrance to job hunting and attempting to fix my financial situation. I was unemployed, our savings account was depleted, and for almost a year, my family lived off my wife’s income. My wife has a Master’s Degree in her field, and is amazing at what she does and loves it. She works in the social work field, and it is not the highest paying field, although very fulfilling to her. We lived off her income only, but having no income of my own still does not change anything regarding child support. The payments have to be made, and it does not seem to matter whether employment is an issue or not.

At this time, my Ex completely cut off all contact with me, and hired a private attorney and filed our case in civil court in the county that she resides. I made many attempts to beg and plead with her, but all contact was ignored. I recently received a letter from her stating that she is doing all of this because during an argument four or five years ago I told her to “do what she’s got to do,” and for me to stop trying to communicate with her. Nothing was mentioned about the well being of the children being the motivation for her action. I will say that whoever said that there is nothing worse than a woman scorned was right indeed.

I was asked to contact him for any communication about the children, but to this day, I have never received a call back from him. I’m assuming she felt that the Child Support Enforcement office was not punishing me enough. My ten year old daughter began arranging her own visitation with me and reporting the events in her life because the Ex completely refused to have any contact with me. I also began realizing that fathers, at least in Florida, do not have many rights, hardly any at all, especially if they owe money. I do understand that women shoulder much of the responsibility of every day care of their children, and the men who run off and disappear, instead of taking care of their children, deserve no rights. Good fathers, who are down on their luck deserve a break. They deserve some laws that protect them, and definitely deserve the right and counsel to defend themselves, whether they can afford it or not.

Needless to say, I became more and more behind on child support, because my family was barely keeping the lights on. She began taking me to Court, as a civil case, for contempt of court during the time when I was not able to find work. I was overqualified for fast food job, did not have enough experience in other fields, and not having college education did not help at all. I have an extreme amount of faith in “On the Job Training,” but I do understand that it does not look good on paper. I taught myself everything I know about video production, and am very proud of it. Again, still does not look good on paper. My options were so limited, and I began feeling helpless and frustrated with the economy.

The first time I went to a contempt of court hearing, I realized that my life was about to change for the worse. After the second hearing, I knew I was in hell. I was, of course, found guilty of contempt, no matter what evidence I presented about my financial situation. I was even told by the Judge that “it’s not his fault that I chose to have another kid and get married again.” I was blown away by his insulting comments about my life, wife and child, while the Ex is sitting across from me with her smug, new husband, smirking at me. It probably should have opened my eyes about what I was about to be put through.

In my case, after being found guilty of contempt, I was ordered to pay purge amounts of money by a certain time. If that amount was not paid, a Writ of Attachment would be issued, which is equal to a criminal warrant, except since it is child support related, the amount of the purge has to be paid before one is released from jail. No bail, no bond, no arraignment, no legal counsel, just sitting in jail until someone pays the purge or sixty days is served.

I was able to borrow some money from family and lucky to pick up a couple of video jobs to pay the first two purge amounts. Keep in mind, that during the time that I was doing everything I could to put together the purge amounts of money, back child support was still adding up. In Florida, interest rates on back child support are astronomical, and the amount grows at a rate that is staggering. Every time I would pay a purge amount, I barely had time to sneeze, before I was being served with another notice to appear in Court for Contempt for not continuing to make regular payments and payments toward the rear amount.

I want to mention that during all this time, I never missed visitation with my children. My oldest became an adult, came to live with me for a while, and joined the Air Force. My oldest daughter graduated high school and continued to live with her mother for a year while attending a local college, because she was threatened with losing her vehicle, if she moved out. My youngest daughter was with me every other weekend, during spring break, in the summers and any other times that I was able to have her. I had to provide all transportation for visitation, and given that I live in another county, thirty miles away, the gas expense was not easy on us. There is a difference between Deadbeat Dads, the ones who run a way from any and all obligations, and men like me, who have always tried everything they can and never stopped being there for his children.

I was never in a position to hire an attorney, because it was financially impossible to retain one. I am on my own, completely ignorant of any rights that I may have, but at this point I doubt that I have any. It has always blown my mind that high profile alleged murderers have free representation, and nothing is available to me because I cannot pay. My two oldest children moved out of the Ex’s home, but they are included in child support payments, and have to this time received minimal amounts of the back child support purges that I have paid.

Two years ago, I also became aware of the fact that my Ex’s sister in law, her husband’s sister, is the Chief Deputy Clerk of Courts in the county that my case has been heard over the past four years. It is my sincerest opinion that the nepotism situation in this case is unethical and that I will never receive a fair hearing in this county. Never. Again, I have no means to hire an attorney to change the venue of my case, and the few motions that I have filed myself have done nothing. I have fewer rights than a common criminal. If a person commits a crime, he or she has the right to a public defender free of charge. I don’t. I applied for legal aid assistance, and any other possible assistance out there, but our income is always too high to qualify for anything, but too little to keep us going. I am also beginning to wonder whether that is the lower middle class curse. Our credit is not good, and any type loans we tried for were not approved.

In August of 2010, I was going through the third contempt of Court situation, and did not have the money to pay the purge. I left town to work any and all jobs offered to me to make the money as quickly as possible. I had to avoid being arrested, because sitting in jail for sixty days, not being able to work at all, would completely sink my family financially. I did come back to town for a weekend to be at my son’s fifth birthday party. With a house full of friends, family and kids, I was arrested. The deputy that picked me up told me they were notified that I would be home that day for sure, being that it was my son’s birthday. My daughters were terrified and one of them cried curled up on the couch, and my wife was devastated. Luckily my son had no idea what was going on, and was able to finish his party. My family and friends made sure that he was kept away from the drama going on outside. I could not fathom what kind of person could arrange to have me arrested in front of their own children, not to mention an innocent five year old little boy. I spent that weekend in jail, and my parents borrowed $5000 from their retirement to post my purge amount. I have to this day not paid them back completely, and I hate not being in the position to do so.

Family My family was completely drained financially, and I did everything I could to help pay bills, and pay my family back for months. In early 2011, I was served with another notice to appear in Court for contempt. I will admit that I did not even show up at that hearing. I just did not have it in me to be beaten down again. Another $5000 purge amount was set, and again I left town to be able to keep working. This time I was gone for over a month, and was lucky enough to have a friend who had a video project I could work on and make the money to pay the purge. All other bills went unpaid, and my family and I lost our home in the summer of 2011. We lived with a friend for three months, while putting together money to rent another home, and start our life over. We sold everything we had to pay overdue bills and maybe be able to start fresh. During this time, I made payments toward my child support. It was not ever the whole amount that was due, but any spare money I had every month, went toward child support. I hoped that my effort at paying all that I could might make a difference.

The day I was moving to our new home, I was served with papers for Contempt of Court. I found out later that the Ex had her attorney follow me to find out where I was living, so I could be served. I went to this hearing feeling hopeful that my partial payments would at least show that I have tried to fix the situation. The motion filed by her attorney stated that I made no attempt at payment, and I had proof that I did. I was blown away when my attempts to pay child support were completely ignored by the Judge, and I was again found in Contempt of Court. I was given sixty days to pay another $7000. This time, I am also responsible for her attorney’s fees. What a joke!!! This is the point I am at now. Away from home, working a sales job, one that I love, but cannot make the money I need to pay this amount. I am no closer to $7000 than I was when I left home two months ago, and I lie in bed at night wondering how I am ever going to make it home to my family.

I feel lucky in so many ways. I have an amazing wife, the greatest children in the world, and today they do have a roof over their heads. But I feel, at this point, that I may not see an end to this nightmare, and enjoy my family, until my daughter moves out of my Ex’s house. That is still five years away, and I don’t know that I can keep my sanity for another month, much less five years.

I have considered just going to jail for my sixty days, but without the income from my job now, my family would not survive. Plus, going to jail does not give me any credit, and just adds two more months of back child support to my bill. I don’t understand the system, and how a person can make a change and make things better sitting in jail. I understand the concept of punishment for a crime, but what am I being punished for? For being penniless? For not having options? For being unemployed for a year?

We do not live above our means, never have. We rent a three bedroom home, have two vehicles, and pay utilities. We have no credit cards, no luxuries, unless internet and Netflix is a luxury, but I would not take that away from my wife, who is a complete movie buff. My wife does her own hair and nails, and beautifully so, if I may add, and the few times a year she goes shopping, it is mostly for the kids to make up for the things they need and have grown out of. We have not had a family vacation in five years, and would love to take one before my stepson graduates. My seventeen year old stepson is the man of the house, a role that he should not have to take on and shoulder at this time in his life. I feel helpless, frustrated, angry, and not a day goes by that I don’t hurt physically because of our situation.

I feel like my family is being held hostage, hostage of a person with the sole goal of seeing me in jail, hostage of an unjust system, and hostage of circumstances. Our whole married life has been spent dealing with this situation, and how my wife does it every day I do not know. All I want is to take her away for a romantic weekend, and make the last three years up to her, if possible.

Since January 16, 2012, I have missed chorus performances, church plays, first grade Honors assemblies, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day, and I just want to go home. My family is my life, and I am at the end of my rope, and filled with guilt because they are dealing with the consequences right along with me, and they are completely innocent parties.

In the past three years, I have paid the Ex over $15,000. My adult children have seen little or none of that money, and I understand that I have no say in how child support money is spent, but my feelings are that her new Mustang and home gym were financed by me. I’m not a materialistic person, and I don’t care how much I have in my account, as long as my family is okay and the bills are paid. All I want is to be home, work hard, spend time with my family and not have to look over my shoulder to see if I’m being followed. I don’t want to have to be terrified of being pulled over anymore. I don’t want to be sick to my stomach when the door bell rings. I don’t want my children to be exposed to their father being arrested ever again. My dream scenario is to have just one year of my life that does not include Court hearings, purges and legal notices being served. I want just one year of being able to pay regular child support payments, with a portion added to go toward the rear amount. Twelve months of reprieve would change everything and make it all right. I have it arranged with my employer to take child support payments out of my paycheck and send the money directly to the Court handling my case. This arrangement, unfortunately cannot begin until the current purge is paid.

I am reaching out to complete strangers for help. You. Please make a donation to help me go home!!! I am past any pride issues or humiliation, and have admitted full and complete defeat. I need help, and I am asking for it right now.

Ultimately, one day soon, I will be an advocate for father’s rights, and will start an organization that will help men in these situations. If people help me today, I will pay it forward to others. I would like to be able to give someone money to retain an attorney, or pay a purge amount to keep him out of jail.

Thank You for reading my story, and considering helping me.

My case is a matter of public record, and can be viewed for verification the Walton County Clerk of Courts, Florida website.
Case number: 07-0000581-DR

Feel free to email me any questions or comments at the email address below. Legal advice will be greatly appreciated too. I understand my story may raise many emotions from many people, and I understand that there are many people out there who may have much to say. I will gladly read and respect any good or bad comments, but any verbal attacks of myself, my wife or my children will be ignored. There is nothing one can say that I haven’t already said to myself, so understand if you do not receive a response.

Sincerely,

Vincent Scott Lancaster
scenicscott@hotmail.com